Wednesday, April 26, 2006
i feel so shitty.
i'd been trying 'til a point when i didn't even need to try anymore, because it was getting better.
wasn't it?
so why is it all coming back now.
i didn't do it cos people've changed.
i didn't do it because they're not around this year (hell, i won't give a damn even if they are).
i definitely didn't do it out of pity.
i did it because we clicked.
and i thought, it shouldn't ever change, because i don't change friends like clothes. i don't want it to change either, because i've learnt alot from you. i think this isn't relevant, but i used to be more tactless and more shallow-minded. (i still am shallow, though.)
DAMMIT WHY DOES BLOGGER NOT HAVE FRIENDS-LOCK. >: BAH.
hm i think being my friend is difficult. -.- i mean, he/she would have to:- keep reminding me to do stuff/homework- have a lot of patience. A LOT. of patience. - teach me math (i think people have died doing this. 'nuff said.) - repeat what she says half the time because i didn't hear it properly/don't get it. - explain any other things to me because i am just too stupid. - lend me lots of stuff and wait, VERY patiently, until they're returned. (could take anywhere from 2 hours to 2 years. no, trust me.)- tune in, happy and satisfied, to my rants and NOT close the convo window after 15 minutes, even though duh, it's too depressing. (but i try not to rant in convos now :D)- share/bear with my *FANGIRL!* moments 8)- comprehend my lameness. and make me bad salad (corny/cheesy, geddit?) to make me laugh. because it's the only remedy for times when i'm down. bad salad can be anything from poking to bad joke.- in short, STAND ME.ok now i look at the list and i'm like O_O, wtf. lol maybe that explains why i don't have that many friends. because only my friends would be capable of all of the above. x) don't think i could've achieved everything up there. *bows to them* (OI i'm just doing this once.)actually when it comes to the number, i say who cares, lol. if i did, at 30 i'd be an arrogant asshole with contacts all over the globe, but when i go to a bar i'd be drinking alone.
and by the way, i don't comfort people, because i suck at it. i see someone crying/really upset, i know why she's in that mood, but i don't say anything, because i really don't know what to say. i could go up and say "It's ok, everything will be ok." but i won't because when i'm in such a state i'd rather take off and be someplace else alone, than hear people telling me "it's ok" because it's not. but i guess there's always a part of you that wants to hear words of encouragement/comfort, because even though it's not going to make things better, you'd like to know that there're people who care for you.
forget it, i'm contradicting myself. i wish someone like Debbie really existed. none of you'd know who Debbie is but
anyway.
don't take it that way. i don't give a fuck what people say; you're not on your own.
